Are You Ready for Some Football?!?!

What's up everyone?!?! This is DJ - the younger, hairier of the two Mazzola brothers coming to you. Why am I specifying who I am? - because as you should have figured out by now, this new blog is actually a dual effort, wherein I'll be having a running dialogue with Bill - the older, perhaps slightly more derisive, and chubbier (how's that P90X going, champ?!? Hahaha) of the aforementioned siblings - instead of providing what is essentially a rambling monologue punctuated with the thoughts from the critical demons that live in my head ('Wait, so I don't get to appear in this one?' That's right! Stay the fuck out!).

Anyway, in the yet-to-be-written e-pages below, Bill and I will be discussing (read: "ripping each other about") those arenas in which we share a mutual interest, things about which we are both passionate, ideas through which we discern ample opportunity to harmlessly insult one another, and so on. And what better subject to kick off this fresh new endeavor than the immediately forthcoming 2010 NFL Season! I'm pumped. I know you're pumped. So let's stop beating around the bush here and start talkin' some predictions and such. Here are DJ's 10 Bold Predictions for the 2010 NFL Season (And when I'm done, I'm sure Bill will have more than just a few things to say about them):

10) The New York Jets aren't winning shit this year - Allow me to clarify - they're good. I think they're going to finish with a winning record. But people are already overhyping them. Guess what, folks - they're still not as good as New England. You remember New England, right? -the team that WON the AFC East last year? Yeah, them. Brady's back (and gayer than ever, but that's neither here nor there). Welker appears to be back. Defense might be an issue due to their youth, but they're still the Pats, and they're still unquestionably the class of that division. And as for the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets Jets - let's see. First, Sanchez didn't exactly light anyone's world on fire last season. He showed signs of potential in his rookie campaign, but so did Tim Couch (Who?... Exactly). He still had a relatively shitty QB rating, he looked uncomfortable too often, and he used his superior defense and his inexplicably unsung running game as a crutch. So Sanchez is no x-factor as far as I'm concerned. He's no better than Pennington was. Sure, he's better than Kellen Clemens or Brooks Bollinger or Patrick Ramsay or whoever the hell else has been there in New York, but you know what, so is my grandmom. And she's 94...and she can't see. Or hear. Or remember that my name is not Jimmy...so forget about Sanchez. And as for that running attack with Thomas Jones? - yeah, they let him go. And they signed the Washed-up Wonder himself, Ladanian Tomlinson. Nice move, Rex... Couple all this with the fact that signing the geriatric Jason Taylor on defense is subtraction by addition and the fact that Darrel Revis continues to hang out by himself on Revis Island, and I say ladies and gentlemen, you're most overhyped team of the season - the New York football Jets! Enjoy that 10-6 record and 1st round playoff exit, boys.

9) The 49ers will finally, finally get it done out west - The Rams are the worst team maybe ever, in any sport, at any level. Except for perhaps my 1993 Torresdale Boys Club basketball team. If it weren't for Billy Knowles and myself, we wouldn't have won a game all season...but whatever, who's bitter? Point is, they stink. It's a shame because I love Spags as a coach, and Stephen Jackson is a great runner. But make no mistake, they fuckin' suck. And after doing thorough research and detailed analysis, I've drawn one very technical conclusion - Sam Bradford is a pussy. He's gonna get killed. My grandmom could injure him. And she's 94...and can't see. Or hear. Or remember that my name is not Jimmy...so forget about Bradford, and nevermind how redundant I am. Also, the Seahawks aren't much better. Pete Carrol's hair is gay. Hasselbeck is always hurt. They have no good running attack. Houshmandzadeh - which I'm proud to be able to spell - is overrated as a #1 receiver, and can you name three players on their defense? They suck. The Cardinals will be okay, but after losing Warner, Boldin, and let's not forget Karlos Dansby (though I apparently did during my Jets analysis, which is his new team), it's too much to assume Matt Leinart and Larry Fitzgerald can carry them to another division crown. Remember, during their super bowl run, the Cards were merely a 9-7 team. Never a great regular season team. So, by default, but also giving credit to a fun, fiery coach in Mike Singletary, a ferocious runner in Frank Gore, a burgeoning superstar in Michael Crabtree, and a pretty solid defense led by underrated monster Patrick Willis, I say the 'Niners g0 10-6 and snag a 3 or 4 seed in the NFC. After that they're fucked. Haha.

8) The Oakland Raiders will finish 2nd in the AFC West - You know who's not that good at football? Tim Tebow. That's who. People love this modern-day gridiron evangelist because of his unwavering (and somewhat obnoxious) allegience to Jeebus Christ and his admittedly admirable work ethic, but you're just silly if you think he's a difference maker, especially this year. He's not even the #2 QB out in Denver! So forget about him. Also, Denver's best LB and 2010 Chest Rockwell award winner for coolest name ever - Elvis Dumerville - is out with a torn pectoral muscle. Correll Buckhalter - to the surprise of exactly nobody - is on the shelf. Brandon Marshall is gone, which means the pedestrian QB that is Kyle Orton just unintentionally acquired a one-way ticket to exposed-ville (Side note: that was the worst joke I've ever written). Point is - things are bleak in Denver. They're gonna stink. STINK. Also, Kansas City still sucks. I'm not going to waste much time here. They have a decent RB and a serviceable QB - Cassell is no better than serviceable, let's be honest - but that's it. The Raiders, meanwhile, have quietly assembled a decent defense, and Jason Campbell, while he's certainly no Peyton Manning, is light years beyond the partial-birth abortion that was Jamarcus Russell. I think his play will pay dividends for Darren McFadden and that Heyward-Bey guy. San Diego will still win the west, but I say Oakland goes a respectable 8-8.

7) Kevin Kolb is gonna Light. It. Up. - Yeah, I'm a Philly guy, so you know I gotta sneak an Eagles-related prediction in here. Make no mistake - this guy can play. And, to use a phrase I often find meaningless but feel like applies here - dude's got some swagger to him. Clearly, cleeeearly, this man does not fuck around. He's all business, and he's yet to show any nerves at all. I enjoy that. And he can tattoo a thumbtack from 50 yards out - a feat a certain former QB of ours who I still love certainly could not do. Of course, it doesn't hurt that he has a couple studs at WR in Jackson and Maclin, a pro-bowler-to-be at tight end in Brent Celek, and the best all around fullback in the game in Leonard Weaver. I'm not saying the Eagles are going to win any playoff games this year - in fact, I'm guaranteeing that they will not even if they make it that far - but as far as taking over the reigns to this team and providing the Illadelph with some quality entertainment while putting up some solid numbers, you can bank on it.

6) The Green Bay Packers are gonna stomp the rest of their division - This team is ready. The pieces are there. Their leader is beyond capable. And best of all - even if Graybeard the Indecisive does return to Minnesota, he proved to us last year that when it's crunch time, he will absolutely fuck it up. Now, some will feel compelled to remind me that this man led those very same Packers to a Super Bowl title in the mid nineties and that his mistakes since then have been flukes, legitimate mistakes, or aberrations. You know what I say to that? - maybe the super bowl year was the aberration. Suck on that for a while. I know he own MVP's, but I don't give a shit; that's a regular season award. Favre sucks. Rodgers is better, the Packers are better, and they're going to run over everyone in their way. This team is winning no fewer than 11 games. And they'll be the #1 seed in the NFC. I'm not addressing the Lions here for obvious reasons, and let's not get DJ started on Jay Cutler and the Chicago Bea...actually, you know, screw it, let's get started on them, right now....

5) Jay Cutler will still suck, and people will still not notice - Am I the only person in America who realizes that Jay Cutler's career record as a starter is 24-29? Or that he's about as accurate with his throws as a mid-nineties Rick Ankiel? Or that he consistently throws picks in big spots? Why does nobody notice this? This guy is terrible. Terrible. And the Bears are about to sink the bottom of the NFL. I said it last year, and I'll say it again. The Bears made the biggest mistake ever in giving up draft picks for this jackass, and he proved it last year. Chicago was a non-factor last season, and it was largely Cutler's fault. Yet, pick after pick after pick, all I hear is how good his arm is, or how tough he is, or how he went to a Pro Bowl in Denver. And I bet that continues this year. I bet the Lions challenge the Bears for the NFC North uber-prestigious bronze medal award this year, not so much because the Lions will be good, but more so because the Bears will be even worse than they were a year ago. I say 5 wins for them, and that's only because I'm such a nice and generous fellow. And what's worse is that nobody will blame Cutler. Again. Except for me. I may have to kill him. Just so this ignorance will stop bothering me. I'd use a sniper rifle too, just for the sake of irony (Get it? Because he's the exact opposite of a sniper? Yes? No?).

4) The Experiment in Cincy will be a success - TO will get the ball. So he'll be happy. And he gets to play alongside his boyfriend, which will make him even happier. Case closed. Speaking of Ochocinco, though, I expect his numbers to decline a bit. Despite the fact that having TO will result in less double coverage for Chad - which conventional wisdom would dictate yields more chances to get open for a pass - and despite the fact that the Bengals former "next best option" currently makes his home in an oak box six feet under the earth (Chris Henry), I still say Chad's numbers will dwindle. But that's not the real prediction here. Rather, the prediction here is that, though his numbers will drop, Chad will be okay with that. He'll be fine with TO getting more touchdowns, etc. as long as the Bengals win. And both of those things will happen. TO will score - I'm sayin' 11 or 12 touchdowns - the Bengals will win, and Chad will be ecstatic. And the Bengals will make the playoffs. And I dare say they may actually win a playoff game for the first time since the early nineties. It's gonna work. And to me, that represents a success for that team.

3) Donovan McNabb is going to deeeestroy Philadelphia - Alright, so two Philadelphia predictions. Whatever, it's a big story this year so I'm going with it... He won't brag. He won't gloat. He might dance. He will showcase a huge smile. And he'll beat us to a pulp, at least once. It seems to me that the Eagles faithful have contented themselves more with the fact that McNabb is finished than they have with the idea that Kolb is legit. That's a mistake. Donovan is not done, not by a longshot, and for the first time, we're going to be on the receiving end when he works his magic on us. Though they're not the most intimidating - the man does have weapons. From the crop of near has-beens they have at RB -Clinton Portis, Larry Johnson, and Willy Parker -at least ONE of those men has still got to have some wheels. And Santana Moss and Chris Cooley can still get it done (Watch out especially for Cooley this year. McNabb loooooves throwing to tight ends). But more than anything else, McNabb is going to make them better. He'll give them two or three extra seconds to get separation, to improvise, to shove someone out of the way and get open. And all of that, sadly, will not show up in a stat sheet. The results, however, will show up on the scoreboard. Especially against Philly, when he goes up against a defense he knows, complete with one LB just back from injury (Bradley), one LB who came from Detroit (Sims), one LB who is not that good (Gaither), a new D-end (Tapp), another rookie D-End (Graham), an adequate at best CB (Hobbs), and a rookie safety (Allen). You don't think McNabb is going to expose these people and run circles around them? To steal a line from Ochocinco, child please.

2) The MVP of the league this year is Ray Rice - The Ravens are awesome. Let's just get that out of the way. It's unfortunate that Ed Reed is out for a few weeks, but don't let his absence fool you into thinking that their defense will immediately go into the toilet. Ray Lewis is still there. And he's still the scariest person to ever dance like a schmuck when introduced. And he demands that his defense play above their limits. This year will be no exception. They'll still be a well above average defense. As for the offense, Joe Flacco is the real deal. That's no secret. His team went into New England in the playoffs last year and calmly captained the ship as his team absolutely took apart the Patriots, giving them their first home playoff loss since the fuckin' 70's! And this year, he's just gonna get better. And this year, he has a second top-flight receiver in Anquan Boldin. Think about that. Mason and Boldin - can you find a better receiving duo in the league? You can certainly argue for a couple - Moss and Welker chief among them - but those two can put up numbers as good as anybody. And all of this will make life easier for Ray Rice and his tree-stump legs. The linebackers and DB's will have to play a little farther back to accommodate for their deep threats, and as a result, once Rice bursts through the first wave of defenders - and he will - look the fuck out. He's a locomotive when he gets going. In fact, I'm going to go ahead and nickname him right now - Ray "Truck Stick" Rice (Madden players will understand). I guarantee his YPC goes up by a full yard this year. This little guy has some powerful limbs on him, and he runs really hard. I love that. He is what I envision as what the love child between Duce Staley and the Incredible Hulk would look like. And he's going to carve teams up this year. Other runners like Chris Johnson and MJD will be outstanding again fo' sho', but Ray Rice's team is going to finish with the 2nd best record in the AFC (Indy), and nobody is going to stop him or them in the AFC playoffs.

1) The Green Bay Packers will win Super Bowl XLV - I picked the Ravens last year, I thought about picking them again this year, but I just can't do it. As good as I think Joe Flacco is, Aaron Rodgers is better. In fact, I think he's the best QB in the NFC not named Brees. If the Packers had pulled out that gunslingin' contest in Arizona last season vs Kurt Warner, I bet they would've went to the Super Bowl then too. I hinted at it earlier, and I'm confirming it now - the Packers are going to run over everyone in their way, except the Ravens, who they'll simply squeak past. It's all there for the cheese-heads this year, and they're going to do it. Let's just think about who the fiercest opponents will be, shall we?: Dallas - wrong. Romo will never get it done. Until he does, I don't want to talk about him. Minnesota - with Favre, just look at last year's NFC title game. Without him, they're barely a playoff team because as much as I hate Favre, Tavaris Jackson is worse. New Orleans - Okay, good competition here. But how much fun is it to pick a repeat champion? I'll tell you - zero fun. So I won't do it. Atlanta - Matt Ryan had one good rookie campaign and an injury last year. No reason to believe in them...yet. NYG/Philly/WAS/SF/everyone else - wouldn't even stand a chance. Week 1 is going to be pretty rough in my hometown when Rodgers and company pay a visit to the Linc...Ugggh. But at least, for the second year in a row, though the Eagles will lose their home opener, they'll do so to the best team in football.

Alright, this entry of mine is a lot longer than most of them will be on this blog, but hell, if I'm gonna start it off, I'm gonna start it off with a bang! That being said, William, your thoughts?


As you can see by the new green text, this is now Bill - the older, wiser, better hung brother in the family. What I'm saying is, I may be chubbier, but I have a bigger chubby.

Now that the NFL season is officially underway, and the boring ass pre-season is over, I can finally set myself to my set of NFL 2010 predictions, some of which directly (and doubtless correctly) refute my silly younger sibling's predictions. Anyway, on with the show.

10) Old Man River, a.k.a Brett Favre's iron man streak will end and the Vikings will miss the playoffs.

I've felt like this since the summer, and last night's incredibly ugly NFL opener just solidified it for me. I think this is the year the wheels really come off the wheelchair for Mr. salt and pepper hair. I've always felt that Brett would continue to play until it becomes staggeringly obvious that his body will no longer cooperate, and I think 2010 is when that happens. I think Brett gets hit a bunch in the first 5 weeks of the season and misses his first game as a starting quarterback sometime between weeks 7 and 9.

Add in the fact that Sidney "Overrated" Rice is out for at least half the season, Bernard Berrian couldn't be a number 1 receiver on the Temple Owls, Adrian Peterson runs so hard that he fumbles 46 times a season, and the defense - especially the secondary - is shockingly overrated, i think the Vikes miss the playoffs. In fact, I'll take it one step further.......

9. The Detroit Lions finish second in their division, and have wild card sleeper potential.

Yeah that's right, those Lions. I think this is the year they turn the ship around and get it steaming in the right direction. Before anyone gets indignant, I don't think they are awesome - I think they are two years away from being a "good" team - but i think they could surprise some people this year. Coupled with the Vikings being this year's second most overrated team (see: Cowboys, Dallas) - I think Detroit has a bunch of things coming together in exactly the opposite fashion of Minny.

First, Matthew Stafford can play. I think this dude is for real. If he gets even a little bit better protection this year, he has the weapons to become a real NFL starter. Last year, he had Megatron, and that's it. This year, he has Megatron - and a real no. 2 WR on the other side in Nate Burleson (as long as he doesn't get a hangnail and miss 4 weeks). He also has a real good tight end tandem in Tony Scheffler and Brandon Pettigrew and now has Jahvid Best at running back - who is my sleeper pick for offensive rookie of the year. Second, the defense is still suspect, but it will be better - especially with a psychopath like Ndamokan Suh on the line. Just youtube the play where he almost tore poor Jake Delhomme's head off in the pre-season.

Lions are gonna go at least 8-8, with a shot at 9-7. You heard it here first.

8. Trading McNabb in division will haunt the Eagles

Yeah, I gotta agree with my brother here. This has typical Philadelphia karma written all over it. First let me be clear, I don't think the Skins will be very good, and I don't think D-Mac is going to have a career rebirth like a lot of people. In fact, I think they might go 8-8, but 7-9 or 6-10 seems more likely. However, at least one and possibly two of those wins will come at the expense of the Eagles.

Whenever an athlete leaves or gets traded outta the cradle of liberty, they always find success when they come back and play against us. Donovan will have two 300 yard passing games against us, no question. He'll hit Chris Cooley at least 67 and re-discover his scrambling ability, at least for the games against us.

I'm gonna go waterboard myself now.

7. Look out for the Ravens.

Yeah, I know this isn't a revelatory prediction, but fuck you, I don't care. I think amid all the Jets hoopla, Brady's new haircut and car accident he unfortunately survived, and batman and robin in Cincy - the Ravens have managed to improve themselves drastically, and pretty much done it under the radar.

The defense is still the defense. Lewis and Reed are older, yes, but still really good. I would stab my sister to get Ray Lewis on the Eagles. The defense as a whole is a little slower and a little older than it was last year, but its still an elite squad.

Where they got better is the offense. Flacco is in his third year, where QBs tend to really break out. Ray Rice emerged last year as a top flight offensive weapon, and is many people's (including my brother) pick for MVP. The crack on the Ravens is always that they are one dimensional because they have no one to throw too. Not so anymore. Enter the toughest receiver in the NFL, Anquan Boldin - who came back from a broken FACE in 11 days and has put up 100 catches, 1000 yards and double digit TDs like clockwork, and on the other side you have TJ Houshmandzadeh (lock it up.....chaaaaaaaampionship) who is a "down" year, led the Seahawks in receptions (79), yards and receiving TDs. All of a sudden Derek Mason went from being a shaky number one receiver to being a really awesome number 3. Factor in a healthy Todd Heap, Rice, McGahee, McLain......you get the picture.

6. Kolb is the real deal, but the Birds struggle

I hate the term "rebuilding year" or "transition year" because they don't really exist - but it certainly feels like the Eagles are starting over, and that usually means a period of adjustment (adjustment = sucking). I agree with my brother, Kolb is the real deal. He is a QB engineered for the west coast offense (unlike a certain other guy), has a cannon, and is a smart player. He also has a wide array of weapons to choose from, and the Eagles will put up offensive numbers. But their youth will hurt them too. None of these guys are experienced in winning in big games (that was where we leaned on Donovan), and I think this year will be a learning process for all of them.

Secondly - I am NOT sold on this defense. I like the D-Line, I think they'll be good. The LBs get a little but more shaky.....Bradley is good, but coming off reconstructive surgery, Ernie Sims was a bust in Detroit, we'll see if he can evolve......the secondary scares the bejesus out of me. We have two unproven safeties, and two cornerbacks who couldn't tackle my Dad, let alone Marion Barber.

That all being said, I really don't know where to put the Birds this year. I wouldn't be stunned if they went 9-7 and snuck into the playoffs.....and I wouldn't be stunned if they went 6-10 and were watching January football on TV. Hard to tell. Either way - its an uphill battle for the post-season this year. Go Phils!




5. Nikita on the CW is a good show

This has nothing to do with football, but I am the co-owner of this blog so go piss up a rope. I watched the premiere of this show after the disgusting Saints/Vikings opener last night and really enjoyed myself. I am a sucker for Jason Bourne/spy shit as it is, and I'm also a sucker for super hot asians - and this show has both.

It also has dialogue so bad its funny, and Shane West trying to be tough, which is funnier than half the funny show on TV.

Thursdays at 9pm on the CW - Nikita. Go watch. Back to out regularly scheduled programming

4. This is the year the Houston Texans break through

Yeah, so people have been making this prediction for what seems like 345 years at this point - but I say this is the year. I really can't fathom how this team will be bad. Their offense is stacked. Schaub threw for about 67,543 yards last year, Andre Johnson is so good its stupid, Arian Foster looks like the sleeper RB of the year, Mario Williams is proving that he was a much better draft pick than Reggie Bush, and Owen Daniels is the most underrated tight end in the lague. They have been so close for so long, its bound to happen one of these years.

I'll actually go one step further - I think they beat Indy in week 1. I don't think they'll beat Indy for the division, but I'll take em in an upset the first week of the season. I think Schaub becomes a legit, no doubt about it top 5 QB this year, and the Texans finish 10-6 and grab a wild card spot.

3. The Jets backlash hurts Sexy Rexy

I like the Jets. I really do. Living up in the 9th ring of hell (right between NYC and Boston), I get hammered constantly by Yankees, Giants, Mets, Red Sox, Pats, Rangers, Devils and Jets fans all day ever day. Its like my own personal purgatory. But the one team I've managed to actually start to root for is the Jets. I like Rex. I like the cocky attitude. I even don't mind Sanchez. I've always liked LT. Revis is the best defensive player in football. That's no exaggeration. But i think the hype has now gone too far.

Hard Knocks was a huge mistake. I loved it, I ate that shit up for five weeks - but no team has a bigger bullseye on them than the Jets, and I don't think they have the firepower to live up to their own print. Sanchez could be good one day, but today aint that day. At this point, he is a game manager at best, and at least until Santonio Holmes comes back - he has a very pedestrian receiving core to throw to, and a guy who has never been a feature back in Shonn Greene.

Don't get me wrong - this team will be pretty good, and competitive every week. I don't think they'll get blown out much. But i think they have been waaaaaaay overhyped and more importantly, they believe their own hype too much. i see them finishing 9-7 , with a shot at 10-6 and being right on the cusp of the playoffs. It'll come down to division record.

2. Chris Johnson is the league MVP

I wanted to agree with DJ and pick Rice here. I think he is awesome, he's a Rutgers guy, and as I mentioned before - that team is gonna be good. BUT - he is the sexy pick of everyone, which means it wont happen. Also, as insane as it seems - since there have been so many other compelling (McNabb to division rival) and not so compelling (Rapist-berger) stories in the NFL this off season, CJ has to be the most under the radar 2,000 yard back ever. Yes, he is the consensus No. 1 fantasy pick - but no one is really talking about him as an MVP candidate.

I think the guy has a legit shot at Eric Dickerson's yards record, and if he does that and the Titans are a plus .500 team - I think its a no brainer. Throw in that Vince Young loves the screen pass, and this guy has a shot at putting together an offensive season for the ages. He;s my pick.

1. Packers over Ravens in the Super Bowl

I try and make it a point not to agree with my brother as much as possible, mostly because he is usually wrong, and agreeing with him would make me wrong. But I don't see any other outcome this year. I think the Pack is far and away the best team in the NFC, with the Saints second and a whole glut of teams fighting for the bronze. I think if Chris Johnson doesn't win the MVP, it could be Rodgers' award to win - and Jesus Christ on a crutch, he has some weapons. Add that with a top 5 defense in Green bay, and this is the year of the cheesehead.

I think the Ravens top the Colts in the AFC championship, and get blown out by GB in the superbowl. I hope you all enjoyed the close super bowls of the last two years, because if GB meets Baltimore in the big game, its gonna be a blow out. Baltimore's defense is good, but they can't stay with Green bay - and although their offense is improved, it ain't that improved.

That's all i got for right now. Donald - if you don't agree, go fuck yourself. I'm better than you and have more girth to my cock.

Hey everyone, it's back to black text, because it's back to the Deejer. Ya know what's funny? Retarded people. Ya know what else is funny? - The fact that Bill tells me I'm usually wrong, yet on 5 out of his 9 predictions (I'm not counting the girly CW tv show thing. Go re-read Twilight again, Nancy...), he pretty much echoed my sentiments. We both think Kolb is good but the birds aren't (1), we both think the Jets are overhyped (2), we both think the Pack is taking it all (3), we both said look out for the Ravens (4), and we both said McNabb is gonna take it to Philly (5). So Bill, you can go right ahead and eat my apparently less girthy but still impressively vascular shaft.

Moving on, now that we're in the regular season, I'm going to offer some [much more abbreviated] thoughts on week 1. First, Brett Favre looked bad and his team looked like shit. In related news, I'm in a fantastic mood today. There is a valid inverse correlation in the universe between Brett Favre's performanced and my state of emotion. When he plays bad, I get ecstatic. When he plays well, I smack children.

Regarding Sunday's games, I say the Eagles are gonna take one in the face courtesy the football equivalent of an unwanted bukkake - Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers. But it's okay, because we're wearing the kelly green uniforms again. That alone will sustain me for one game.

Also, the Giants better win against pretty boy Klausen and the Panthers. Why? - because I have the Giants in my suicide pool, and if I'm ousted in the first week (again!), I'm not going to be happy. But it's a smart bet I feel, for aside from the fact that I think Klausen's a chumpatron, if he does somehow manage to lead his Panthers to victory, at least its a loss for NY. And Giants' losses, much like receiving blumpkins while eating a sandwich, are almost always a good thing.

Lastly, regarding the vicious psychological struggle that is deciding who to root for in the Washington/Dallas game, I've made my decision. Go Redskins. Say what you want about McNabb or whatever, the point is that come the end of the season, if the Eagles are somehow still in it, the Cowboys are a much bigger threat. The Redskins, in all likelihood, are going nowhere. The Cowboys, conversely, are a no-doubt-about-it playoff caliber team. The more losses they have, the better it is for Philly. And personally, I don't care who the fuck beats them. I don't care if Scott Rolen suits up at QB for Dallas's opponent, if you're a Philly fan, you root against Dallas. Always. Period. (Unless of course, somehow, their victory would mathematically help the birds...but that's a consideration for later in the season).